I feel like my life has become very, very small. I am only doing one thing. ONE THING. And there is a 50/50 chance I will fail at it.

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11 Comments

  1. So many hollow words to be said that won’t even put a bandaid on your feelings. The only words that I can share that might remotely help is that you’re obviously not alone. As a lurker, *I* have been moved at the support you’ve seen here. Incredible how many prayers you’re starting.

  2. whatever happens…. it is not failure. I know that is easier to say than to feel, but you know you have a lot of support out here. Take care of yourself.
    Lotsa love directed your way!!

  3. It may be only one thing, but it is an incredibly hard and rather miraculous thing, over which you have very little control. You can “do” the best you can in terms of eating right, resting, conserving energy –but if you do all those things and it still doesn’t work, it is NOT because you’ve failed. NOT NOT NOT.

    For an analogy… I can do all the right things as a daughter/caregiver, but Ginny could still trip and fall. If you knew that I’d made sure she had the right shoes, secured the carpet, cleared the obstacles — would you tell me, “Susan, you failed as a daughter”? NO, you wouldn’t.

    You are fiercely protective of those you love. I know this about you. You will fight to defend them — even if what you are fighting against is yourself. You will fight to protect this little dot using everything within your power — physical and mental. You will take it up to the fenceline, and a foot or two beyond. After that, it’s up to the dot and other forces. At some point that “other stuff” kicks in and it’s out of our hands, whether we like it or not.

    I have no doubt that you will do everything that is within your control. Every damn last friggin’ thing. Because that’s the type of person you are.

    I love you, Leah.

    (OH, and I love you too Joe 🙂

  4. Never, ever, ever, will you have failed. Your are doing all of the right things, and the only thing left to do now is wait. And we here will help you through the waiting, and we will still be here for you whatever happens. But never say fail.

    (HUGS!)

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