about living in the lap of complete strangers:

January 20th

Last night we were lucky enough to be in the front row of the most fabulous fight. It happened upstairs and a little to the left of our room.

Scenario: Jilted woman comes to yell at the jiltee =

Woman: Do you have a girl in there? DO YOU?

two-fisted bang bang bang

Man: muffled expletive through the door

Woman: You gave me herpes you [expletive]! How could you do this to me?

Woman: You [ expletive]! You [ expletive]! I can’t believe you gave me [expletive ] herpes!

Woman: You have a girl in there? What the [expletive ]? You [ expletive] gave me herpes!

Man: muffled yelling

Woman: Go on and tell that whore that you gave me herpes!

two fisted, earth shattering bang bang bang bang

Woman: Why do you keep hurting me like this? No one deserves to be hurt like this? How can youkeep hurting me you [expletive]?!?

Man: I just called the cops.

door slams


siren in the distance (for something else I’m sure, but it worked) running down the stairs

THEN, back at the ranch, at 6:15 this morning, she came again.


Woman: Wake up, you [expletive]! You gave me herpes!

…..and then for the man in North Dakota that didn’t hear yet…..

Woman: Why do you keep hurting me? Tell that girl you gave me herpes!

silence *crickets chirping*

Woman: Hey, you [expletive ]……

Woman: No one in their right mind would be with you!

pause and then quietly

Woman: Are you coming home later?

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