about living in the lap of complete strangers:

January 20th

Last night we were lucky enough to be in the front row of the most fabulous fight. It happened upstairs and a little to the left of our room.

Scenario: Jilted woman comes to yell at the jiltee =

Woman: Do you have a girl in there? DO YOU?

two-fisted bang bang bang

Man: muffled expletive through the door

Woman: You gave me herpes you [expletive]! How could you do this to me?

Woman: You [ expletive]! You [ expletive]! I can’t believe you gave me [expletive ] herpes!

Woman: You have a girl in there? What the [expletive ]? You [ expletive] gave me herpes!

Man: muffled yelling

Woman: Go on and tell that whore that you gave me herpes!

two fisted, earth shattering bang bang bang bang

Woman: Why do you keep hurting me like this? No one deserves to be hurt like this? How can youkeep hurting me you [expletive]?!?

Man: I just called the cops.

door slams

BANG BANG BANG

siren in the distance (for something else I’m sure, but it worked) running down the stairs

THEN, back at the ranch, at 6:15 this morning, she came again.

BANG BANG BANG

Woman: Wake up, you [expletive]! You gave me herpes!

…..and then for the man in North Dakota that didn’t hear yet…..

Woman: Why do you keep hurting me? Tell that girl you gave me herpes!

silence *crickets chirping*

Woman: Hey, you [expletive ]……

Woman: No one in their right mind would be with you!

pause and then quietly

Woman: Are you coming home later?

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