Rhoda

My sister and her daughter came for the weekend. My niece and my daughter have the same birthday two years apart. We try to get together every year. I’m wondering what year it will be when their 2-year age difference won’t be noticed by them. Over 20? Although this year was much easier than last year. 14 and 16 are closer than 12 and 14.

This is the best visit Rhoda and I have ever had in many ways. Almost the entire time was spent catering to the girls because that is the point of the get-together, but the little amount of time we did find to catch up, we spent disagreeing on almost everything. We don’t agree on religion or politics and when you are raised a Mormon in a small Utah town, religion and politics are pretty much what you have. And country music.

The thing that was so wonderful was that it didn’t matter. Rhoda and I have been through the wringer together. She was all I had when I was growing up. She tried to protect me from everything bad and failed, since that is an impossible task. That made her feel guilty and try harder to keep me safe. Her entire life became co-dependant on mine. I was a mess. She fixed me up. We kept each other busy for years.

When I finally got well in 2002, our relationship kind of crumbled. She needed me to be sick and I wasn’t. And moreover, I refused to go back to that place where she felt comfortable. And even though she was happy for me to be well, she felt angry and alone after spending her entire life around my needs and then having me move out of that space and leave her there.

We went through some major growing pains together over the past few years. There were quite a few months that went by when we didn’t make any attempt to contact each other. I was learning how to stand on my own two feet and she was trying to figure out how to be happy I was well and also figure out what she was going to do with the rest of her life now that I didn’t need her in the same way. We figured out how to be sisters in a healthy relationship and it only took us about 4 years.

So even though she supports Bush (which is so wrong) and believes that jumping through hoops will please God and give you special entry into heaven (don’t even get me started), it’s ok that we don’t agree. And she has figured out how to have a life that doesn’t include fixing mine. And I overlook the fact that she loves Toby Keith. And even though I drink alcohol and coffee, shop on Sundays and believe that people who love people that happen to be the same sex as them should have the same rights as I do, she’s glad to be my sister.

Pretty great.

11 Replies to “Rhoda”

  1. My sister and I are two years apart. We are 28 and 30. I think somewhere around the time I got married (at 26) I started to not think of her as my “little sister” and started to realize she was “my age”.

    Lucky for us we agree on many things. It binds us against our dad.

  2. just thought i’d share that when i first read the last sentence i thought that it said ‘people who love purple’, which became even funnier once i actually figured out what it actually said. because really? i’d totally wear that on a tshirt.

  3. Mmmm….as a sister myself, and a mother of two sisters, this post brings tears to my eyes. “Sister” is such a powerful word and no one who isn’t one can really begin to understand what it all means.

    Huh?

  4. Sisters are awesome and exasperating… gotta love ’em. So glad you’re finding your sisterness with your sister. It’s a good thing.

  5. I feel this way with one of my best friends from high school. We grew up in a very Mormon town since we were really young, so we didn’t know much about the real world. Now that I’ve come to college, I often wonder what exactly she thinks of me. I didn’t used to swear…now I do. I didn’t used to drink…now I do. I used to be really religious…now I’m not. I’m surprised I haven’t given her a heart attack yet. Any day now, she’ll disown me as a friend.

    Great blog leahpeah!

  6. Yep, got two of those things myself. I am the youngest and I was always trying to fix either of them at different times. We have all gone through many trials together and I know that no matter what those two women will be there for me. As I grow, so do they.

    And one of my sisters is a Bush supporter as well. And, yeah I still love her I reckon.

  7. That’s really excellent you guys have an understanding even though the terms have changed. A lot of relationships can’t survive that kind of shift.

  8. I have this sister who I never really discuss on my blog that has a strange relationship with me where I behave like the eldest sibling and I’m not and it makes me wonder if we’ll ever get to *this* place where you and YOUR sister are.

    And yet this beautiful, honest post (that I thought, “Hmm… would Rhoda be mad that Leah wrote all these things?) gives me some hope.

  9. I would like to think that my family and I will ever find a way to maintain healthy relationships. I am just not sure that this can be- what with them not seeing a thing wrong with how things are working now. Instead the only way I am able to remain in their lives is by keeping my mouth shut and/or glossing over the difficulties (if you close your eyes it all goes away, dontcha know?). Congrats on finding a balance with your sister and having that great relationship.

  10. :o) hello leahpeah
    i popped on over from mocha’s blog:
    loved your post.
    i always wanted a sister.

    i have a brother, and he just got married in july. so now i have one. we don’t have much history yet, but i hope it will be long and uncomplicated and memorable one day. she is a very cool and funky chick.
    we spent two weeks together in july, and she’s so easy to get on with.

    i think one has a different relationship with one’s brother.
    i don’t know mine so well.. even tho we’re only 2 years apart: i grew up and left home long before he did.
    actually, i got pregnant and married…. a long and (mostly) beautiful story…

    pardon the rave,
    love love
    kate in New Zealand xx

Comments are closed.