Joe and I went to San Diego to see his family. While we were there, Joe went to Comicon. I saw some friends and got a pedicure and did some light shopping, which is what I call it when I’m not shopping for anything in particular and there is no list that includes words like ‘lndry detrg’ or ‘deodrt’ or ‘tampns.’ While I sat in the cushy chair, which top portion where my back was being pummeled seemed to be disconnected from the bottom portion where my feet were being soaked, I had a perfect view of people passing by, walking from the Target into the large part of the mall. (This is the first mall I’ve ever seen where Target is one of the anchors. I’m used to seeing JC Penney and Sears.) My pedicure experience was just lovely and I’ll write a longer post specific to that another time. But right now, I want to tell you about Mormon Boy.
Steven Fales, one of my new heroes, puts on a one-man show entitled, ‘Confessions of a Mormon Boy.’ He was in San Diego, which I knew because I was alerted to a PBS radio show where Steven was talking about his show by my friend who lives in SD. She knows I’m a recovering Mormon and shot me over an email to let me know that I should be tuning in KPBS. Which I couldn’t do, since I was at work. But I did download the interview and listened to it later. I couldn’t wait to go.
On Sunday, I dragged Joe and Mike with me to go see what could possibly have turned a perfectly good Mormon boy into a gay one on his one-way path to hell.
From the minute you enter the theater, you know you have just left the Regular World and have entered some alternate universe where Donny and Marie rule supreme along with wholesome goodness, white shirts, scriptures and weird underwear. Before he even steps on the stage, Steven is piping in good ‘ol Mormon music, which incidentally I miss and get ravenous for on occasion, and by the time you sit down and get comfy in your seat, you’ve realized there is no turning back. He played a song from a Janeen Brady tape I knew very, very well growing up called I’m a Mormon. You can hear it here. Pay special attention to the lyrics which say something about being peculiar and if you want to study a Mormon, I’m a living specimen.
Steven’s performance was brilliant and compelling. I would say here that I laughed – I cried. But I did really laugh and cry and I don’t want it to sound trite. My heart nearly exploded a few times as my mind was flooded with memories and what it means to be so entrenched in Mormon life and fighting to get your head above water so you can just breathe, one single breathe, and not have it cut into your soul and your very fiber because you know that you don’t belong but you can’t figure out how to not be there yet. It’s inconceivable that there is any other type of life out there for you where you are allowed to be who you are AND still have God in your life. Somehow, being raised Mormon means one of two things: you are faithful and Mormon in every way and all your dreams come true -or- you fall away from the true church and live forever wailing, lamenting and gnashing your teeth in outer darkness. Forever. And Ever. Amen.
Watching Steven take his journey into every extreme and then finally finding his Center, take responsibility for himself and his actions, grow into his true self, was marvelous. I would highly recommend it for everyone except my mother, who would be offended by some of the more blatantly sexual parts.
Afterwards, I wanted to shake his hand and tell him how much I appreciated him sharing his story with me and the world. I had so much emotion in me that it was hard to even speak. How brave he is to just put it all out there. There are so many people who will benefit from his ability to share. If I was asked to do that, could I?
I shook his hand and told him I grew up in Utah. His face dropped the famous ‘Mormon Smile’ for a moment and he asked me, ‘Are you ok?’ I assured him I was and then imposed a hug on him, which isn’t really like me – to be all huggy and what not – but it just happened.
He is a genuinely nice person with a good heart and much to give. I wish him all the best as he continues on his journey of Truth.
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