I can’t even tell you how emotional I’ve been for the past week or so. It’s taken over a week to get over Christmas and Christmas was great! There is something about being with large groups of people that puts me just slightly over the edge to a place that is weird and unhealthy. I do great up until about 20 people in the room and then I’m toast. Unless I’m working. I know. It makes no sense. But if I’m shooting photos of a large group, no problem. But if I’m in a large group and anyone wants to talk to me or relate to me as a person, then holy crap I have a hard time and have to spend the next 7 days recuperating as if I was just in a battle field or went through a hurricane or something. Which I didn’t. It’s dumb. Or, it could be something else.
For the past few years I’ve told people that are close to me and love me that if I have more than 2 bad days in a row a month, I would seriously look at it. Especially if it went on for a few months. A few bad days a month I expect and can handle. Five days or a week or more: no. I’m not prepared to lose that much time out of every 30 days of my life and the past two months I’ve been a mess for at least a week each. And so I’m looking at this carefully but with much speculation. Because getting back on medication is not something I want to do. But if it’s something I need to do, I’ll do it in a heartbeat. Playing around with my mental health is something I will never do. More than anything, I want and need to be a mentally strong mother for my kids. And I’m guessing Joe would like it if I could make it through a month without falling apart. Just a guess.
My birthday is in a few days. I don’t think that turning 36 has anything to do with this, but you just never know. Maybe I’m crying all day for a week because I’m so damn old.
For a glimpse of what I look like lately, you can go here. (via Mimi Smartypants)
There is only one solution for when you start getting depressed before your birthday — think about some of the free stuff you can get out of it — like free pie at Denny’s or pancakes at IHOP. Feel better already, right?
And a very happy birthday to you, leah.
Yep, I think you are crying all the time because you’re SO OLD. 🙂 The older I get the more I cry. I’ll be the big 4-0 in a few weeks imagine the bawlfest I’m gonna have.
Holidays can be so stressful even if enjoyable and the tears flow. Thankfully the major holidays are over for a while. Just get through your birthday and you can last a few more months. 🙂
Free stuff, don’t forget Country Kitchen will give you your whole meal free and if you have any casinos around you can get free money to play during your birthday month. Live it up, you’re not getting any younger and you may be needing a walker or wheelchair next year which means you’d have to rely on others to get you there. Better go while you can still walk on your own.
The strength that you exhibit in just talking about your need for help is what will see you through. I’ll keep you in my thoughts out here on the east coast — and happy birthday!
perhaps it’s something in the stars, i’ve been doing a bit of that crying thing myself. perhaps it’s just how healing occurs, out of the blue and for no reason.
we continually process even when we are not aware and sometimes that just makes a body tired 🙂
xoxo and hugs to you from me.
I think there’s something in the water, that apparently went across the country, because I’ve been out of sorts as of late too. And I’m with you on the whole only letting it go on for two days (maybe!) thing. After that I’m pretty much like ‘what the fuck?’ Ugh, this shit never gets easy.
Happy almost birthday, Ms. Leah.
well, i’m wishing you peace and stability no matter what it takes. and i think you should make a crying while eating video. or have your kids do it.
Can I tell you I scanned all of those pictures looking for a video of you crying, and then, 20 minutes later, I realized that you had only made a pun?
I feel silly.
Happy birthday. Oy vey and oye mujer you are so amazing for 36 and I am now older than 36. You do have done so much so far it will take me 10 years or more to catch up but by that time you will be long gone.
But I’m all for the self-monitoring. When I start crying over such things as “I bought that CD 3 years ago and that’s 3 years I will never have again. I remember that day, in the CD store, buying the CD and that’s a day I will never have again. Therefore perhaps the universe is designed to merely torture us with loss” then it’s a good time to look for solutions. It can be difficult to even know when you are going down a weird path at certain points since you can forget and think it’s supposed to be that way. I hope it passes quickly in your case. Keep on the lookout but I hope you still enjoy the ride.
omg, john, i did the SAME thing, but was too embarassed to admit it until i felt less alone. ha!
leah, keep on keepin’ on 🙂
hugs to you. and Happy BDay
Same here. People exhaust me socially, but give me a job and I’m all over it.
Was on meds.
Went off meds
Yelled at my kids.
Back on meds.
It’s better that way.
happiest birthday. i won’t make any guesses about why you’re crying. but i will say that your gut knows best about what it is you need to feel absolutely better and 100% like yourself.
so listen to it. it knows.
and if you need my help in any way, just give me a shout. i’ll give you my very best holistic mojo.
again, happiest birthday. i hope today was a day full of smiles and a true celebration of you.
My Wish, by Rascal Flatts
I hope that the days come easy and the moments pass slow,
And each road leads you where you want to go,
And if you’re faced with a choice, and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you…
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you’re out there getting where you’re getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too.