I’m embarrassed to admit it, but what the hell, that’s what I do here. I’m a total addict. In previous years, I managed to keep my compulsion to a lower level, maybe needing a fix only once a week or so, but right now? It’s nightly.

Every late afternoon, I start to feel the creep. My mind starts doing the checklist of how long until I have the opportunity to ‘get right’ again. And then 8pm rolls around, Primetime starts and all is right with the world. I exhale a slow, long breath and put the gun away. I blame my crisis on being forced to relax and be in bed for weeks. Morning programming was the gateway drug and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to shake my nightly routine at this point. Thanks a lot, The View! I’ve given up. What’s the saying – Let Go and Let God? Yes, I’m sure He’s watching Dancing With the Stars, too. Can’t get enough of that crazy Jerry.

Here are my favorites and even my not-so-favorites that I must continue watching because I know what’s going on, and how often does that happen?? Heroes is THE best show. I don’t think I can express how much I love it so you’ll just have to tune in for yourself. Lost is pretty great this season. I didn’t watch it that much in previous years, but apparently, this is the magic year for me. Six Degrees, The Nine and Brothers and Sisters* are examples of shows that are not that great but since I like some of the actors and I happen to know most of the characters’ names and where they fit in with each other, I must keep watching. Studio 60 and 30 Rock, both based on SNL, are both good. I think it’s the best thing Alec Baldwin has ever done. Last night his character set up Tina Fey‘s character on a blind date with a woman. By the end of the episode, Tina agrees to someday do the sex stuff with her new friend, even though she’s straight, because she doesn’t want to lose her friendship with a female she can connect with. And what straight, single, middle-aged woman hasn’t thought about that? You’re older. You’ve learned to make compromises in your life. You’ve outgrown most of your childhood friends and it feels great to have a woman your age to go get coffee with. If you have to make out or use a strap-on to ensure you always have a date to the movies, then so be it.

Also on the roster are Gilmore Girls, which I really do feel has lost something since the creators have gone, the writing is just not quite right and I bet they don’t make it another season, and Grey’s Anatomy which is just as bad as ‘those afternoon stories’ and a good example of how crack kills because I usually have drool dripping off my chin by the end, and Ugly Betty, a surprise to me how much I like it, but America does such a great job in the lead role.

My Name is Earl and The Office are both awesome as per usual. The Biggest Loser, Dancing with the Stars, America’s Next Top Model and Desperate Housewives are Commercial Shows. Are you familiar with that term? No? Well, for those of us that don’t own a TiVo** and also hate commercials, it is imperative to have a show to turn to during the commercial breaks before your ears start to bleed. These are shows that you wouldn’t actually watch on their own per say, but because people are doing something semi-dramatic-interesting and in the case of ANTM, there are frequently portions of fighting and the rubbing of underwear on other people’s beds, it makes it worth a quick peek for 2.2 minutes at a time. More than that and you just might have to carve your brain out of your ears, so be careful.

Boston Legal keeps me captivated. The writing sometimes steps over the boundary of ‘you are a smart audience’ into ‘we are so clever! aren’t we so clever!?!’ which is a turn off, but most of the time James Spader and William Shatner make it all worth while. Especially Denny Crane’s new relationship with the midget. I kinda like Men in Trees. I know, right? Who would have thought. But I do. I have no explanation for you. Medium is almost back and that makes me happy. I know there are the unbelievers out there who don’t like Ms. Arquette for most of the same reasons I do like her.

I have no great ending to this post. I blame my addiction. My brain is full of over-dramatic and trite subplots that can be quickly wrapped up in 24 minutes or less. Let’s try this: What’s that? What do you mean? What are you saying?? There are dishes? In the sink?? That need washing?? And yes! I’m the only to get them done! I know! *sobbing* No! Don’t worry about me. Really. I’ll do them. *Sigh* Because in the pursuit of a cleaner kitchen and world peace, I must, I know. And I will! And when Veronica comes home from the hospital after getting her reconstructive surgery (made possible by body parts donated from the man that killed her mother two years ago while on safari) because of the plane crash she survived on the way to her honeymoon (when her new husband, Brock, died right after changing his will, which his first two wives will surely contest (and bring up the past when Veronica was put in the mental hospital (after she believed she could fly) ) ) and finds out the baby she gave away for adoption 10 years ago is now living next door (with her high school sweetheart who may or may not be the child’s real father) my kitchen will be clean and I’ll bake her a cake. A special cake! MMmmmm. Cake.

*Isn’t it nice that the Thirtysomething actors are showing up again? I loved that show.
**I haven’t even included in this list HBO shows like The Wire which totally rocks it and Entourage, which single handedly changed my mind about Mark Wahlberg (and holy hell if you aren’t watching them you better start) because I can watch them at any time On Demand. Yes! Kind of like a TiVo!

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20 Comments

  1. Man, do you put me to shame. But Leah, I HAVE to agree with you about Heroes. My husband and I just watched the marathon on Sunday and whoa…we loved it. I love Ali Larter’s character. I kept saying, “I wanna be her.” Something empowering about her natural vulnerability combined with the dark force living inside of her. Plus, she’s got a bod on her. That’s the bod I want.
    The politician gives me the creeps; but his brother makes me smile. And I love the future art. I want that apocalyptic scene on my living room floor. (Wouldn’t quite match the ranch decor, but I like eclectic.)

    That’s about the only show we have in common. Oh, except Entorage, which is a triumph but it’s on hiatus so I’m not feeling it right now.

    We’re a real Amazing Race house…we forsake all else for that.

  2. I am an addict of the same sort but I love you for having the guts for owning a television. For me, it is abstinence or doom. What’s even more impressive is that you actually remember what happened. That’s a real sign of the addict–the blackout. All those hours and it’s all a blank. Now what do I do about the internet?

  3. Thirtysomething being repeated over here at about two dozen episodes a day. How much did they make???
    It’s a miracle I get any work done.

  4. I am all whacked out on Grey’s Anatomy, and it makes me feel dirty.

    Could it be any soapier? Could Meredith be any more annoying?

    Can’t they find anyone else to sleep with?

    Isn’t it inevitable that Alex and Addison are next?

    Alec Baldwin also makes me feel dirty, but in a good way.

    I am enjoying Studio 60, partly because its so nakedly from a writer’s perspective. The scenes where starlets are talking up head writer Matthew Perry’s character must be right out of Sorkin’s wet dreams. Or maybe that’s his reality. He sure has the gift. I also like the coded references to 12-step recovery that he always manages to work in. Was there ever a more lovable recovering alcoholic than Leo McGerry?

    Good topic. It must be pop-culture day. L.O.D. has a good one up on music.

  5. you got me.

    a have a lot of friends that like to say “i don’t watch tv.” well I DO. AND I’M IN LOVE WITH IT.

    i could also be that i have a lot of friends still in college and i am now a working stiff, so when i get home and after taking the dogs out and making dinner, the only thing left to do is watch tv. i mean, if i read anything, i’ll fall asleep.

    i saw the pilot of LOST, thought it was awful, and made my mother change the channel. that fall, my roommates got me hooked and we watched the entire first season on dvd just in time to be caught up for the second. we are so hooked. it’s definitely the “no one speaks, and you don’t ever, ever make plans on wednesday” kind of show. and yes, this season is the best, but i typically don’t reccommend watching without being caught up as everything is intertwined with something else from another episode/season.

    they also decided to give heroes a shot. i hated the first episode of that too, i thought it was the cheesiest thing of all time. but now, what, 3 episodes in? i’m hooked on that too. hiro is the best character. i want a plush hiro so i can hug it every night. i can talk or have a snack during that though.

    the office is new for me this year too, but it’s freaking hysterical and i sometimes admittedly want to trade my own boyfriend for jim. i’m already caught up via dvd and PISSED that it was a repeat last night.

    i remain forever faithful to ER, despite it’s consistent downward spiral and the loss of its best characters. it has redeemed itself somewhat though this season.

    project runway? oh hells yes. now it is top chef which i will watch since i am so used to pressing “5-7” after lost is over anyway, and hey i watched last season.

    house? yes. another fault of my roommates but right now i sit angrily every tuesday night waiting for baseball to go away so house can come back and be awesome.

    and there’s nothing like a good old school episode of law&order, forever on tnt or usa. and don’t forget roseanne marathons on nick at night.

    those are “my shows” but basically if i am home, the tv is on. it’s like company for me. i love music, but i have to be doing something while it’s on. i can’t just sit and listen without feeling horribly alone. THE TV IS MY FRIEND!

    my name is stephanie, and i’m an addict.

  6. I love Patricia Arquette, especially all the nude scenes in Lost Highway.

    I don’t watch any of those shows except for My Name is Earl (Jason Lee is a former Pro Skateboarder) and The Office, which is my favorite.

  7. How in the hell can you watch that many shows without a TiVo? First, I could never keep track of when everything is on. Second, I wouldn’t have the time to watch those shows if I had to wait through commercials. I am an addict, too, and I often wonder how I got through that one super busy year in college without watching TV and I often wish I could do it again.

  8. Oh man…that could have been me writing that…we are just CONFLICTED with all of the shows we want to watch and DO watch. Of the new shows we love Hero’s and Brothers and Sisters probably the most. We also love HBO and SHOWTIME so we are in trouble all the way around. We get nothing done. Oh and we adore the Office….funny business that one….

  9. We have TWO TiVos. And some nights? They are BOTH recording something during EVERY PRIMETIME SLOT.

    In other words? I’m right there with ya.

  10. My wife is jealous of my relationship with HEROS….come 9pm I know she’s going to try and tempt me with her sultry advances…but to HEROS I will be true.

  11. OHMYGAWD Thank YOU Miss Peah b/c as a former “I don’t watch TV” kind of person who would turn up her nose at those shallow individuals who waste so much time on that…..

    Has now become an ADDICT also……holy crap what happened!!!! SO MUCH GOOD TV!!!! Except we are the only living people without Tivo or any such device, so we are still fighting over who gets the TV and driving home at breakneck speed when we realize it is almost time for Greys Anatomy like Heather described the other day…….dark ages, I know. Technology is kicking my ass suddenly.

    I have never watched this much tv since the summers when my parents worked and my allergies were so bad I couldn’t go outside.

  12. I too am a closet television addict. I blame it on the fact that my father had a career in television (director/producer) so television was never a bad thing in our home. It was a good thing. We walked in the front door and my parents would yell, “turn those TV’s on!” I’ve had a television in my bedroom for as long as I can remember. Yep, that’s it…it’s my parents fault and I’m stickin’ to it.

    PS But how can you possibly avoide Top Chef, Project Runway and my favorite closet watcher love-to-hate-it show, Breaking Bonaduce?

  13. And, I don’t know how you survive without TiVo or DVR! Of course that’s why you have Commercial Shows. Probably best. By the time I catch up daily with the first 20 minutes of The View, Dr. Phil and Oprah all that I’ve TiVo’d it’s no wonder I rarely go to sleep before 1:00 AM. My husband now sleeps with ear plugs, ear phones and a pillow case tied to over his eyes!

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