I think I have allergies. Ever since I came home from my mini-vaca I’ve been sneezing and snotty. While in Utah – not so much. In fact, it was on the drive home from the Burbank airport that it started up. Every mile we drove closer to home, the snottier and sneezier I got. I’ve been thinking for months that I just keep getting sick every other week. Dude. What if it’s just allergies? What if it’s not my body but instead the flora and the fauna?
The flight home was awesome, by the way. In the security line directly in front of me there was a woman that wanted to discuss with anyone that would listen, and mostly those that didn’t want to, how she was still loaded from her party last night. Visibly weaving and slurring, and this is at 2pm in the afternoon, she wanted to touch your arm and talk into your face. She made the metal detector go off. Repeatedly. And then she would remove one item of jewelry and then try again. This went on for, oh, twenty tries, before the guy asked her to step to the side so he could do it manually. She started crying and shaking and starting to panic. I’ve never seen the security people have to remove someone before. They were so On It. Finally, all that 9/11 training going to good use. It was odd and slightly disturbing. But good in that 3rd grade recess monitor kind of way when the mean kid gets taken to the office. It’s drama. But you’re glad it happened.
And Southwest? Your plan of not assigning seats and making people sit in line at the gate for 2 hours before a flight on the floor, claiming your 4 foot square plot of carpet and setting up the Dutch oven and putting on the coffee, since if you want to sit in the waiting room in an actual seat, like, with back support, then hey, you suck and have to sit in the very back in the middle seat and hate your life while the person on your left sleeps on your shoulder and the person on your right has to get up and climb over you to use the lavatory 4 times? Sucks. I know, I know – your flight price when I bought the non-refundable ticket 2 months ago of $120 dollars round trip can’t be beat. But next time? I’m going to drive for 12 hours since that is less painful and has more legroom and less drunken people in the security line. News flash – you aren’t a rock concert ticket line. You are an airplane flight. Get over yourself.
Since money is super tight, I’m glad I bought the ticket so long ago (and it was non-refundable) or I wouldn’t have been able to go. And since I’m not really much of a shopper, and we spent most of the time at the house, the entire trip was pretty cost-effective, as trip-taking goes. However, I did buy a pair of shoes. On Sale. And I love them.
The best part of being home? Conversations with Joe.
“They put a tampon under this roast.”
“A what?”
“A tampon.”
“A tampon?”
“Well, I don’t know what else you would call it.
I blink. More blinking.
“Are you sure? That might be a health code issue. I don’t think we want to eat that roast.”
“I’m not unfamiliar with female anatomy. I know what it is.”
“Uh, you aren’t talking about female anatomy. You’re talking about something that goes into it.”
“Except I just call it ‘gear’.”
I had to go in the kitchen to see.
“I think that is probably best since what you are looking at looks like a sanitary napkin, not a tampon. But it isn’t one.”
“Well, I’ve never made love to ‘gear’ so I know less about it.”
“Either way, that’s gross that you said that.”
“Leah. A roast bleeds. You -”
“Enough!”
I went to Utah a month ago and came back with that *exact* pair of shoes.
Ugh. Airline tickets are getting OUTRAGEOUS! We just bought some to Seattle and spent almost a thousand bucks! They would have been so much cheaper if we could have flown Southwest but getting to somewhere they fly out of from Augusta, GA would have been a feat in itself…
And I know what he’s talking about under the roast! They are GROSS! But a tampon? You must be better than me about keeping your blue crate-o-cotton out of sight…
I’ve never made love to ‘gear’…??? Oh my gosh, if that is how my husband referenced the insertion of a tampon (did I just say that?) I might never be able to use them again.
I LOVE those shoes!
Excellent. I like Joe- although seriously, he must better acquaint himself with feminine hygiene products. Tell him he can actually use a tampon as a blow dart gun- that ought to get him started.
(no really- Scott can shoot a tampon across the room and hit you in the head with it. his accuracy is amazing.)
Cute shoes. They look comfortable too.
“Leah. A roast bleeds…”
LOL!
Those shoes are indeed cute. As for allergies versus cold, I lived most of my adult life with allergies. I thought I was just sick a lot, and then of course there were some folks around that felt quite superior to me as they were never sick.
Then a good friend in Orlando saved my life, when she told me about Benadryl. Every time I would fly I would get this major headache that no amount of over the counter drugs would cure. Benadryl did it. In less than an hour too. I felt free from the bondage of pain in my head for once in my life! Then I realized that it helped with the other symptoms of allergies too. Eventually I found myself at a real life Allergy Doctor, and my life has never been the same.
All those years I wasted feeling “less than” simply b/c I had freaking allergies!
Oh, and I totally do not like Southwest. They totally make you want to walk or drive for any future plans. And, they all acted so happy all the time no matter what flight I was on. That’s just not normal you know.
I like the calling of it all “gear”, that rocks. Joe is cool.
Amanda B., I *totally* am aware of the various “gear” — the word totally escaped me, and I had just woken up anyway.
I was fixin’ ta defrost the roast and the little absorbent unter-roast-thingy and it *reminded me* of various gear. I’ll have you and the entire LP readership who happens to read this comment know that I have on many occasions purchased pads, tampons, midol from the store — I have not even felt compelled to purchase “cover” products to try and hide such purchases. Because I am man secure in my manhood and in my complete support of the feminine hygiene of my female-type family members.
I am very interested in this “blowdart”/tampon techology, but I don’t want to waste gear. When the house is out of gear, sadness reigns supreme.
I have the exact same shoes in pink. I LOVE them. But, I probably paid more for them because they were not on sale.
Joe- that’s why you buy a box for yourself. *wink wink* I’ll have Husbando email you the details.
Thanks for your gorgeous comment on my blog, I was having a really big “I hate everyone at work and in the whole friggin world today!” day until I read some of your blog and then your comment to me. I’m gonna hole up this weekend and read tons of you. Just from this blog entry I can tell I’m gonna be sooooo happy to have found you. I only want to read others who write so…so…just so plainly human. Thanks again. Robin.
Allergies! Hate them! I live in LA, and mine have been extra bad this year. I actually went to an ear nose & throat doctor b/c I was getting sick so often, and he told me that if you have allergies and don’t keep them under control, all the excess mucus provides a perfect little home for viruses. So: unchecked allergies can actually cause colds and flu. Who knew? Also, he said your immune system can get overworked fighting allergies, leaving you more vulnerable to cold & flu viruses. I found some homeopathic allergy pills at Whole Foods, and they work really well: They’re called “Heel BHI” and come in a little white bottle with a green lid. Also, the doctor told me to use a saline nasal spray from time to time. He said it was like a “shower for the nose.” Cute… kind of. Anyway, good luck!