~Gainful Employment

Every day I scour the ads looking for work. It’s my job to find a job, if you will. There aren’t many writing/project management openings in my area and it’s getting frustrating. I’m trying diligently not to let it get to my self-esteem, but there is nothing like spending hours saying, ‘Nope. Not me.’ to get your confidence lagging a bit. My ideal job would be something on a flexible schedule but at the moment I’m looking at every type of job there is from part-time to contract. I just want to be able to go to work every day and feel like I’m in the right spot doing the right thing. Where is that job?

~On The Kid Front

I’m worried about Devon. He’s probably being completely age appropriate and doing/being just what he should but I’m really worried about him for reasons that I can’t go into here and sorry to be so cryptic but it’s his story and not mine to tell so I have to keep it vague. Suffice it to say that I spend quite a bit of time worrying about him and hoping he’s making smart decisions while knowing that he’s not. But like I said – maybe it’s all age appropriate At his age I was having my second child so my life was quite a bit different than his is.

Alex seems to be in a good place at the moment. She’s confident and self-assured and getting her shit together. She’s beautiful as ever and sometimes I watch her face and think how incredible it is that she’s my daughter. She’s working on her resume for a class and she actually has quite a bit for a 17 year old to put on there. I enjoy spending time with her and am repeatedly amazed that I continue to be asked to go and do things with her. I’m very lucky.

Tyler is changing. His body is responding differently to food and exercise than he’s used to. It’s interesting to watch him have to pay attention to things he is used to ignoring. He’s still playing basketball in a travel league but really he’s just biding his time until football starts again. That is where his heart is. Ty is a thoughtful young man when no one is looking. When you ARE looking, he’s full of bravado and teasing. He still gives me hugs and for that I’m ever grateful.

Tony is perfectly 13 going on 14. His hair is long and covers most of his face. He peers out from tiny holes in the curls through his glasses and you have to look pretty hard to see him. He’s bordering on Emo status and his clothes style has changed. He’s finally found a style that he likes and it’s fun to see him care about his appearance. He’s got a group of friends he hangs out with and I like seeing him happy. Happy being Emo.

~The House

Besides the flooring in our new place, which is pretty terrible and cheap, I love our new home. The size is nice. The vibe is good. There are roses of every color in the front and a small backyard with lots of green. I love the deep kitchen sink that even the large pans can fit in. It’s always hard to fit your stuff into a new configuration and this time is no different. We still have boxes in some rooms and don’t know where to put the family games and the important papers but we’re getting there. Every day it feels better and better.

~Joe

Joe has been sick and miserable for days now. He’s coughing and snotty and feverish. It’s hard watching the people you love being ill and feeling helpless to do anything for them. We had one moment of short tempers flaring because it’s hard to not run into that when you aren’t feeling your best. In that moment it was interesting to see how far our communication has come from a few years ago. We mostly circumvented any lasting issues and got back on track in a fairly short amount of time. Good for us.

~Me

I’m getting off the Invega and Trazadone and staying on the Wellbutrin and Prozac. Coming off Invega has not been as bad as some others like Effexor. My mind is a little funky but I don’t get the major electrical charges running through it. Just a dull headache from time to time. I’m happy to be on less medication but not sad to be on what I’m staying on anymore. Every morning when I take my pills I think about how my day is going to be so much more productive and well-balanced because of them and it helps alleviate any qualms I have. The truth is that I’m so thankful to have a way to balance out my brain chemicals. Time spent wishing I didn’t have to take meds is time wasted.

Since my thyroid has been regulated I’ve been able to lose weight at a snail’s pace. Which is better than not at all but just barely. Each hard won pound off is cause for celebration. Historically I’ve loved the treadmill but this go around I’ve found the recumbent bike to be more my thing. I’m not as tired as I have been and I must admit that ever since I started taking the name brand Synthroid instead of the generic version I’ve seen an improvement. I still get erratic heart racing but it’s not as scary as it once was.

~Misc

I keep waiting for someone from Tara to call and need me. I hope it happens sooner rather than later. I can’t wait to be a part of it.

I haven’t been taking many photos and I miss it.

I can’t decide if I want to hang pictures in this house or if I like the blank wall space.

The bird doesn’t get out to fly in this house like he did in the old house. We need curtains to cover up the sliding glass doors so he won’t try to fly through and smack into them.

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9 Comments

  1. You’ve been pretty much MIA for so long, and I’ve been concerned. Sounds like you’re hanging on hanging on…or is that hanging in hanging in? or is that any kind of saying at all?

  2. Leah! So glad to get an update from you, I was starting to get worried. I know it may sound weid fro someone you don’t know to be concerned about you but that is the magic of the internetz, right?

    Also glad to hear you are making peace with your meds. It is what it is, sister.

    Do you think you’ll be able to come to SF for Blogher? I’d love to meet you if you do 🙂

  3. “Time spent wishing I didn’t have to take meds is time wasted.”

    I’m so glad to see you write this. I know you’ve struggled for a long time with having to take meds, and I’m glad to see you not wasting energy longing to be off them.

    Peace.

  4. I was on Effexor for two weeks when I realized it was NOT the right med for me. My doctor said to just STOP it, since I hadn’t been on it for very long. I stopped it on a Friday and Sunday found me sitting in the yard, jerking from the electrical shocks that seemed to be running up my spine to my brain. One quick call to the doctor that was on call that day and he said EFFEXOR is the most dangerous drug to come off of. You’re having serotonin withdrawal.

    ONE Lexapro, and the symptoms left immediately, but I’m now afraid when I start a drug, of the day I’ll have to stop it.

    As for blank walls versus covered in photographs, I go through cycles of preferring one over the other. Start with blank walls, as nail holes aren’t very attractive. Enjoy the spaciousness, then start thinking about photos and paintings as winter approaches.

    Hope this helped.

  5. Hey Leah, glad you’re doing ok. My mom has battled thyroid disease for decades, and has noticed serious differences between the name brand Synthroid and the generics. I can only speak from second-hand experience, but watching her decline on the generics (repeatedly) makes me want to interject at every possible opportunity that the name brand, though often more expensive, just seems to work better. Wishing you good luck!

  6. No words of wisdom here, just thanks for letting us know how you’re doing.

    And I really hope the job of your dreams turns up soon!

  7. I can’t tell you how happy it makes me to hear what’s going on with you, even if the news is mixed.

    Keep putting yourself out there so the job will find you when the time is right.

    You’ve raised such great kids, they will survive the occasional misstep. They gotta learn. Give them all a hug from me. Joe gets a hug too, but from a safe germ-avoiding distance.

    Yay for progress on your health. Big YAY!

    Blank walls can be soothing. Think PD.

    I miss seeing your photos, though. Use flickr as your walls.

    thanks 🙂

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