• true love,  writing

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                  The full length of you -tighter get even closer please – Along the full length of me Our backs pressed like wood Notched, planed, sanded to fit Worked over by life And the wars we won Even if we lost Because we survived And the wars ongoing That threaten to destroy But sound more like a growly puppy When we stand together Like flooring where the seams disappear Not because they’re perfect But because they are Love My heart listening Your heart beating Our blood circulating First through you Then winding inside me Like a river bringing life to a desert long parched Then back…

  • writing

    After the Drought

    The first bit I wrote after the drought where my words were stuck past my teeth down my sore throat weak from loneliness deep into crevices under my ribs and ribboning around my heart in ways that hung the truth was a piece about how love stomped down the barbed wire fence in just enough places to let myself walk over curious in my boots among the sheep to kick down rocks and boulders like a bear who knows better than to keep sleeping so he wakes up and uses his ferocious voice to unplug the dam which lets the waters flow then builds a boat and heaps it with…

  • blogher,  kids,  writing

    Releasing Grief

    I’ve had my fair share of grief over the years and when you have a real conversation with just about anyone, you realize they, too, have had theirs. We live on the surface so much of the time, nodding our heads hello and nice to see you, which is to be expected when we’re all surviving with our heads just above the surface. I’ve learned that to release grief and move beyond it, you truly have to feel it. That can be scary. It can feel like you’re probably going to die. There are usually a lot of tears involved and sometimes kicking pillows or throwing rocks into the sea…

  • flawed but authentic,  kids,  photos,  writing

    Let’s Grow Through This Together

    Sometimes I feel like I learn new things right before I really need them. You know what I mean? Like, had this challenging thing that’s currently happening, happened even six months ago, I wouldn’t have been ready. But God, or whatever you consider your Divine to be, creates this space for us to gather our knowledge and our wits about us right before the Big Test comes. If we’re paying attention. If we’re *at all* trying. And I’d wager that most of us *are* trying because we’ve been around the block a time or two and know that not paying attention doesn’t get us the desired result we’re after. Trying…

  • blessings,  photos,  writing

    Life Textures

    It would be easy to say as things get older they automatically go towards entropy like moths to a flame in the witching hour. But the truth is, the easy answer isn’t always the true answer and where entropy is falling a little closer towards chaos and disorder every moment, we actually keep following along the perfect arc towards the inevitable, sure, but it isn’t chaos. It’s exactly what’s supposed to happen next. If I had to narrow down and categorize all the things I’ve done in the past three years that have made a huge difference in my life and just pick one to share with you, one thing…

  • feedback, please!,  friends,  photos,  storytellers,  writing

    Storytellers

    You guys. I’m just going to go ahead and apologize ahead of time because I’m going to be using phrases like, “I remember when,” and “Back in the old days,” and I’m very aware of how tedious and eye-rolly that can be. BUT. Back in the old days (See? I wasn’t kidding.) when I first started online journaling in the late 90s, it was a brand new world where I could share a story on my computer with my family who lived miles and miles away. I’d post pictures and write what was essentially a monthly update about the kids and it was fun and it meant something personal. And…

  • family,  flawed but authentic,  Heal Something Good,  mental health,  photos,  that joe,  writing

    When the Water Calls

    When my kids were young, when we first came back from Germany, when my marriage to the other guy was being held together with tape and googly eyes, when I couldn’t breathe, when I couldn’t think, when I wasn’t on meds and needed them badly, when I was dissociating, I took the kids to the beach. My feet, which had walked way too far and way too long to get there, were suddenly surrounded by rushing water and the Space of Nothing I needed. The water was cold and fast and then pulled at my soul before it receded, taking my fears, confusion, disappointments and grief with it on its…

  • writing

    I See You

    I see you. You’re at that place where you’re realizing that the people around you, those people that maybe love you more than anyone else in the world, those people, they are telling you those things about yourself and it isn’t really you. Maybe it once was. Maybe it was a shadow of you. More likely it was their perception of who you were, their version of you after they took the pieces and assembled them so they fit inside them easily, in their own system. But maybe, to be fair, it’s a completely accurate image of you then. Then. What they see when they look but don’t really look…

  • that joe,  true love,  writing

    Already Gone

    i looked up and you were staring at me, your eyes were a little too wide, your lashes long and dark. i love you like crazy, i said, and you suddenly smiled, looked down. you packed at the last minute throwing things in a duffel it’s your way, it’s a good way. i love you like mad, i whispered, and you squeezed my hand, grabbed your toothbrush. you wrapped me up in warm kissed me hard, again, then again the airport doors shwapped open and ate you whole. i love you so hard, i said, you’re my favorite but you were already gone.

  • writing

    I Eat a Lot of Bacon

    I eat a lot of bacon. I don’t know if that means we can’t be friends anymore, but I just thought you should know. Gosh, I hope not. If we can’t get over our right to make our own food choices, how can we remain friends during an election year? I can’t remember if you’re Vegan, Cabbage Soup, Vegetarian, Gluten-Free, Edenic, Subway, All-Organic, Pescetarian, Atkins, Weight Watchers, Paleo or what right now, but just know I think you’re awesome and I support your way of eating. We don’t have to talk about it, even though it’s all some people talk about. Like me, sometimes. I have one friend that I…

  • observed,  photos,  snappy,  writing

    Golden Tree at Dusk or Let in the Light

    When the sun gracefully bends down in the sky to about here the most beautiful thing happens off my balcony. Before I show you that, let me back up in time just a bit. When we first moved into this little condo about a year ago, we were in the middle of some very stressful family things. We were distracted and heavy with Life and it was such a stroke of Universe (can I use “Universe” that way? Yes? Good.) that Joe’s aunts owned a place that was becoming available right when we needed it. It made the entire process of trying to find a place so much easier. We…

  • writing

    Hiding

    I look out the window. The sun is shining, the leaves are dancing a slow waltz and I hear traffic close by. There is a tiny spot of grime under my left thumbnail. I meticulously remove it with the long prong on the pen lid. The AC kicks on and my feet turn to ice. My arms get pimples and I think about getting my sweater. The AC turns off and slowly the small of my lower back gets warm and clammy. I feel a tiny bead of sweat fill behind my ear, under the arm of my glasses. It doesn’t fall. I look at the screen and wish the…