• true love,  writing

    Home

                  The full length of you -tighter get even closer please – Along the full length of me Our backs pressed like wood Notched, planed, sanded to fit Worked over by life And the wars we won Even if we lost Because we survived And the wars ongoing That threaten to destroy But sound more like a growly puppy When we stand together Like flooring where the seams disappear Not because they’re perfect But because they are Love My heart listening Your heart beating Our blood circulating First through you Then winding inside me Like a river bringing life to a desert long parched Then back…

  • health,  Health & Wellness,  lupus,  that joe,  true love

    Your Body Is Not Your Enemy

    Let me set the scene for you. We’re sitting on the couch, my husband and I, my nose buried in his shoulder. I’m weeping, beside myself with a ball of grief and failure burning through my chest like fire, wiping snot on his arm, making noises that are approximations of words, but no one can know for sure. I have auto-immune issues that after several years of being in remission have reared their ugly head starting sometime last December and have now flared with the vengeance of a fifteen-year-old girl who lost her cellphone privileges and is punishing her parents. I can’t sit very long without pain. I can’t stand…

  • photos,  san diego,  that joe,  true love

    Joe, Last Weekend

    Sometimes my weekend date is so dreamy, it’s ridiculous. Joe took me out to shoot photos of the Gaslamp Quarter on Sunday night, but I kept taking photos of him. Here he is hanging out with Jimi and Janice. Here he is kissing my face, which is always encouraged. This is Joe looking especially handsome in Yard House. And this is us being sort of disgustingly meta with me taking a photo of him taking a photo of me taking a photo of him on his phone. Gross. (Yay!)

  • that joe,  true love,  writing

    Already Gone

    i looked up and you were staring at me, your eyes were a little too wide, your lashes long and dark. i love you like crazy, i said, and you suddenly smiled, looked down. you packed at the last minute throwing things in a duffel it’s your way, it’s a good way. i love you like mad, i whispered, and you squeezed my hand, grabbed your toothbrush. you wrapped me up in warm kissed me hard, again, then again the airport doors shwapped open and ate you whole. i love you so hard, i said, you’re my favorite but you were already gone.

  • health,  lupus,  that joe,  true love

    Remission

    Take me to the beach, I whispered, silky soft in his ear. He wrapped me in his warmth beneath the covers. I need to see the waves in every shade of green and blue and frothy white, I told his mind without uttering a sound. He padded down the hall, got his sandals, keys. We drove five miles, wind whistling through the vent, the heater waking up. Ocean water swirled and raced, bubbled, then calmed and went away. Surfers danced on ten foot waves through the pilings, praying their religion under the pier. We watched. Grit between my toes, pulling my sweater close, I took a breath and then another.…

  • family,  mental health,  that joe,  true love

    True Love

    Something caught my eye. I looked up and to the right and saw a woman in her late forties trying to help her aging mom down the stadium steps. Her mother was petrified. She was shaking her head no and holding on to the safety banister for dear life. The daughter pulled her mother’s arms, trying to get her to budge. It was her feet. I couldn’t stop looking at her feet. Pink Keds with white laces folded around white ankle socks. The way the foot tapped around looking for some safe place to be, the feet of someone older, someone less steady. I saw Grandma Jean in those feet.…

  • hard!!,  in the car,  mental health,  that joe,  true love

    Neon

    If they came and kidnapped me right now and blindfolded me, gagged me stuck me in the trunk I would stay calm because I know the roads. I would know where they took me. Quick left, quick right, quick left to the freeway or the other way. The slow S shape winding back and forth. They won’t go 35 and 45. They are in a hurry. They will push it and speed. And when the orange sign warns that going over 30 round this turn will lead to death and it will be your own fucking fault they won’t listen. They will go as fast as they want. But the…

  • in the car,  mental health,  that joe,  true love

    Vibrations

    My leg is touching the door and I can feel the vibrations of the music through my knee cap. I’m not thinking. I’m just feeling the bass line and mouthing the words. My mouth opens and closes with the words but no sound comes out. I don’t think I know this song. If I was the passenger in the car to the left, I would think I was singing. But if I was the passenger in the car to the left, I wouldn’t be me. I would be him. I think about this for awhile, forgetting to mouth along to the song, my jaw slightly slack. What if I was…

  • friends,  true love

    Chuck and Randy Got Married. Let's Keep Them That Way.

    My good friend Chuck and his soul mate, Randy, got married a few months ago. Joe and I were lucky enough to be invited to their wedding celebration in San Diego. We are truly so happy for them. Here you see them on the grassy beaches of Mission Bay, filled to the brim and overflowing with marital happiness and joy. We are blessed at the present time to have equal rights for everyone in California. Both heterosexual couples and gay couples can marry the person they love. If you live in California, Please vote No on Prop 8 on November 4th and keep equal rights for everyone.

  • that joe,  true love

    While I Was Out

    Christmas came and went as well as New Year’s Day and while they are important days to me, there is one day that came and passed that I didn’t acknowledge that burns in my fingertips to be noticed. That day is my wedding anniversary. Three years ago on the 21st, Joe and I decided to drive to Vegas and ask a midget in a bad wig and too much makeup to integrate our programs together and create a new product – a better product – a life-long product called Marriage. This past year has been one of the hardest years of my life and subsequently caused quite a bit of…

  • that joe,  true love

    Dating In Your Thirties

    Joe and I don’t go on many dates. I mean the kind where you have a destination, like the opera, and you spend time primping yourself and curling your hair and wear lipstick. Our dates usually consist of jumping in the car and spending time getting ready by taking a shower, if we feel like getting really crazy. This is fine. I’m not one for exerting all that energy too often to look a certain way. I prefer my jeans and a sweatshirt while we drive around and talk. Sometimes we stop and get a coffee. Sometimes we don’t. This is not to say that I don’t enjoy a nice…