• book,  Heal Something Good,  health,  lupus,  mental health,  photos,  thyroid

    Pre-Order Heal Something Good

    You guys. I’m oh-so-close to being done with Heal Something Good, the book I’ve been working on for the past three years. This has been a labor of love. My last book, Not Otherwise Specified, was such a deep journey of mental discovery that I would never call it “Light” or “Nurturing.” I mean, the subject matter includes suicide attempts and graphic material. It’s an important book for what it is and I continue to get letters of appreciation from people who have found it helpful on their own journeys, which is why I leave it up and available. But. But! Heal Something Good is light and nurturing and full…

  • flawed but authentic,  health,  lupus,  mental health,  photos,  thyroid

    What I Am

    “But, what do you have? What are you?” Oh, right. This is the part where I’m supposed to list all the illnesses and diseases and disorders I’ve collected over my lifetime and use their proper medical terms. This is how we measure each other up, to find out where we fall in the Diagnosis Scale. Are we the same? Are we different? If I told you, would you have an immediate recognition of how I feel right now because you’ve got “IT,” too? Using this shorthand is not meant to be insulting or belittling. It’s meant to cut to the chase and find out where your battle scars are. It’s…

  • hard!!,  health,  lupus,  mental health,  sucky,  thyroid

    Remember That One Time? When I Had Lupus?

    Here’s the skinny – I have lupus. Here’s the story, and it goes a little something like this – Lupus affects skin, joints, blood, and kidneys – for me specifically = pulmonary hypertension and pleurisy/chest pain 3 winters in a row in 2001-03 and now off and on, swollen lymph nodes, memory problems, confusion, headaches, high fevers, behavioral changes such as depression and bipolar, personality change and psychosis***, fatigue, painful joints, anemia, rash on forehead and beginning on cheeks, sun sensitivity, hair loss, abdominal pain, nausea, and vomiting, abnormal heart rhythms, blood in the urine and long-term elevated white-blood count since a child. The Lupus begat Fibromyalgia, a full party…

  • kids,  mental health,  that joe,  thyroid

    Bullets

    ~Gainful Employment Every day I scour the ads looking for work. It’s my job to find a job, if you will. There aren’t many writing/project management openings in my area and it’s getting frustrating. I’m trying diligently not to let it get to my self-esteem, but there is nothing like spending hours saying, ‘Nope. Not me.’ to get your confidence lagging a bit. My ideal job would be something on a flexible schedule but at the moment I’m looking at every type of job there is from part-time to contract. I just want to be able to go to work every day and feel like I’m in the right spot…

  • hard!!,  mental health,  realmental,  that joe,  thyroid

    Accepting Hell

    So, this is it? Really? I can’t quite believe it. I keep asking myself over and over…is this it? There have been a few days where I got really close to replying to that question with, ‘No, this will not be it.’ and it’s those days that are the worst, as I look for a way out. The past few months have been insane. Literally. I feel like such a failure as a mother. As a wife. As a proponent of mental health. As a human being. I’ve struggled so hard and fierce, using every, single muscle trying to hold on to reality and then given up, fallen back and…

  • blogher,  kids,  LA Angst,  mental health,  thyroid

    Let Me Tell You

    Let me tell you a little story: The last post I did? I actually posted it a week ago but it was somehow set to PRIVATE and I didn’t know it and then I realized it and then I marked it PUBLIC and now you can see it. Cool story, huh? There is no moral or arc. You’ll just have to get over it and accept it for what it is, whatever that is. Let me tell you a big secret: I’ve gained 15 pounds in the past 2 years. Add that to the 20 pounds I gained when my thyroid started going out 4 years ago and the gazillion…

  • friends,  kids,  photos,  that joe,  thyroid

    Photabulous, The Recap

    I threw clam chowder up once and I couldn’t eat it for about 6 years and that was a onetime vomit deal. Nothing like the incredible amounts of awesome pain I’ve been in with our old friend Blue Cheese. You’d think I got ran over by a truck and then wrung out like an old dishrag. Picture me lying prone, moisture-less and wrinkled up like an old prune, arm extended slightly up and meekly calling for water. Additionally, I’ve had about 10 narcoleptic naps the past few days and as Joe will tell you, normally I can’t fall asleep anywhere except in the bed with about 15 pillows moated around…

  • mental health,  thyroid

    Magical Disappearing Cervix

    Everything tastes off. My sore throat went from being vaguely hurty the past few months to being an actual genuine owie. You’ll be happy to hear that my pap smear is over for another year. I hear your cheering. I won’t mention that my cervix was hard to find. I have a magic disappearing cervix that pops in and out of sight. Hello! I’m your cervix and now I’m over here! I can’t remember this ever being a problem before. I also won’t mention that she had to take out, insert and crrrrrank open the speculum FOUR times to find it. I mean, why mention that? It might make you…

  • hard!!,  mental health,  thyroid

    ABCs

    Oh, I’m learning so much. For one thing, when you go in to get your blood drawn, make sure that the person that is about to remove 5 vials is an expert blood retriever and not someone new. I am not a good practice person with lots of available blood just teeming to the surface. I am a person with very hidden veins that are deep and roll within my arms. This rolling and deepness is something I’ve known for years. I tell people this on the onset and warn them that I’ve broken perfect stick records before and so don’t feel bad if you don’t get it right the…

  • mental health,  thyroid

    Thyroid Things

    A year or so ago I had a bunch of tests run and they found that my thyroid wasn’t working that great, but it wasn’t working that bad, either. Also, my heart and lung were having serious issues, so my thyroid took a bit of a back burner. Fast forward to now. Since my endocrine system sucks, the news isn’t that big of a surprise. My blood panel shows that my thyroid is barely functioning (Hypothyroidism) and I have a very large amount of calcium in my blood (Parathyroid Disease). Both conditions cause things like feeling anxious, loss of energy, depression, not being able to concentrate, headaches. My doctor, (the…

  • mental health,  thyroid

    Good Times

    Know what’s fun? Going to the doctor and having them scold you for getting off medication 3 and a half years ago. Then having them refuse to give you any now because, dude, you are crazy. How do you know what you need if you are crazy? Instead she ordered a blood panel, which is fine since I wanted one anyway. It could be hormonal, this crazy I have. No kidding. So, how about that. I finally got enough courage to go ask for some meds and I was told no. But I can call a psychiatrist that is covered under my plan and wait for three weeks for a…