• blessings,  hard!!,  mental health

    Now Shhhh

    “Now shhhhhhhh,” she says, “you’ve said it all once and now you’re repeating yourself. It’s time to listen to someone with some age on her bones.” I tried to stop the pointless murmuring coming from my lips and tune into her voice. The phone was slippery against my wet cheek and I pushed it closer to block out the sound of my brain. “Now, you listen to me. Life is hard. It’s hard for everyone and if it wasn’t this it would be something else. The trick is to be thankful for your own set of troubles because believe you me, you don’t want someone else’. Yes, you’ve got it…

  • in the car,  mental health,  that joe,  true love

    Vibrations

    My leg is touching the door and I can feel the vibrations of the music through my knee cap. I’m not thinking. I’m just feeling the bass line and mouthing the words. My mouth opens and closes with the words but no sound comes out. I don’t think I know this song. If I was the passenger in the car to the left, I would think I was singing. But if I was the passenger in the car to the left, I wouldn’t be me. I would be him. I think about this for awhile, forgetting to mouth along to the song, my jaw slightly slack. What if I was…

  • friends,  mental health,  realmental

    RealMental.org

    I’ve made some changes at RealMental.org that I’m quite pleased with. The community continues to grow and get stronger. The things that people share are so helpful to others. I get emails reflecting their appreciation all the time. I’m so proud to be a part of it. Jess and I started it almost 2 years ago, and while I can’t speak for her, I know that for me it’s always felt like a safe place where I can work out mental issues. Everything is moderated, so there is no anxiety that some troll is going to get on and trash the place. We have a few new forms to make…

  • flawed but authentic,  mental health,  realmental,  that joe,  United States of Tara

    Back To Myself

    Originally posted at RealMental.org. When I was integrated in 2002, I knew it would be for forever. I’d worked so hard and sacrificed so much to get there, in that office, with the right doctor, to be integrated. There was just no way that I’d ever be split again. I knew it with every fiber of my being. And I was so grateful, thankful. Felt so blessed. And then I felt SO STRONG. Holy shit, I was a newly ‘whole’ person with super powers. I could do anything and I did do anything it took to create a life worth living. Always working towards the goal of living so close…

  • hard!!,  mental health

    It's Not Always About You (Me)

    Dear Me, I know you’ve spent many years perfecting your sick and crazy-making thinking patterns. I know you come by it honestly and that it’s hard for you to stop and think things through sometimes. I get it. But, maybe now is a good time to talk about some things currently happening that you might be fooled into thinking are about you. For example – 1. When your husband comes home, tired and a little cranky, it is because he had a really long day at work and then a two hour commute in traffic. It’s not because you didn’t fold his Tshirts the ‘right’ way or do the dishes…

  • blessings,  hard!!,  mental health,  photos

    Biding Time

    ~start here~ My alarm goes off and the first thing I think is, aaaaaaaah crap, I have to do this again? This getting up thing? Gaaaaaaah. I review the reasons my life is so hard including gems like having to use an automatic dishwasher to clean my dishes. Ugh. And having so many clothes, they barely fit in the closet. Boo hoo. And who could forget having to shower in hot water in an inside bathroom? Using pear scented body soap and 9$ a bottle shampoo? Woe is me. I make the coffee, sit down to check email and Facebook and Flickr and Twitter and express a desire to own…

  • book,  mental health,  snappy,  United States of Tara

    Sunday Sunday SUNDAY

    This Sunday night is the premiere of The United States of Tara on Showtime. At 10pm, I will be surrounded by family and friends and watch as a series on television tries to bring awareness to the illness I’ve struggled with since the age of four. Writing that makes me want to jump up and scream in excitement and call everyone I know and cry in relief and crawl into the fetal position from anxiety and suck my thumb all at the same time. Along with the voices of support, I’ve had emails and a few comments from people in the DID community that are angry at the writers of…

  • mental health,  tv,  United States of Tara

    United States of Tara – Series Clip

    I’m SO proud to be a part of this series. Can’t wait for the premiere on January 18th on Showtime. If you’re free that night, grab a drink and watch along with me. It will be like we’re all watching it together. And if you watch the end credits real close, you’ll see my name and won’t THAT be exciting.

  • mental health

    Bruxism

    Getting off Invega has been mostly fine. No brain charges like with Effexor. No crying spells. No hallucinating. So for that I’m grateful. Instead I’ve got bruxism. I’m not grinding my teeth but I am clenching my jaw almost constantly. I have a continued jaw/neck/head ache. I actively try and relax my jaw muscles which takes a lot of thought and concentration. I’m still sleeping fine but waking up with a very sore jaw. According to some sources, it can take as long to work through buxism as you took the drug. And sometimes it doesn’t go away. Some people get the condition when they start taking the anti-psychotic, which…

  • kids,  mental health,  that joe,  thyroid

    Bullets

    ~Gainful Employment Every day I scour the ads looking for work. It’s my job to find a job, if you will. There aren’t many writing/project management openings in my area and it’s getting frustrating. I’m trying diligently not to let it get to my self-esteem, but there is nothing like spending hours saying, ‘Nope. Not me.’ to get your confidence lagging a bit. My ideal job would be something on a flexible schedule but at the moment I’m looking at every type of job there is from part-time to contract. I just want to be able to go to work every day and feel like I’m in the right spot…