• health,  lupus,  mental health

    Speaking near Salt Lake City on Dec. 19, 2013

    I’ll be speaking on healing our bodies and minds holistically in Orem, Utah next week. I’m really excited to share what I’ve learned these past three years. When I started this journey, I had no idea how intricately our mind and bodies were connected and how healing our guts and changing our lifestyles could change how our minds worked and felt. Healing from a chronic illness is no joke and I know many of you struggle with it. If you can make it, I’d love to meet you face to face. Email me for details. xo Photo by Karen Walrond of Chookooloonks.com

  • family,  mental health,  that joe,  true love

    True Love

    Something caught my eye. I looked up and to the right and saw a woman in her late forties trying to help her aging mom down the stadium steps. Her mother was petrified. She was shaking her head no and holding on to the safety banister for dear life. The daughter pulled her mother’s arms, trying to get her to budge. It was her feet. I couldn’t stop looking at her feet. Pink Keds with white laces folded around white ankle socks. The way the foot tapped around looking for some safe place to be, the feet of someone older, someone less steady. I saw Grandma Jean in those feet.…

  • ask leahpeah,  lupus,  mental health,  store

    From the Mailbag

    Here is a precious letter from a reader I’ve been hanging on to for a bit, holding it close and letting it fester. It says so many things that I secretly think in my dark hours that it’s almost like this person just reached inside my deepest fears and pulled it out. I’m usually so disciplined about ignoring meanies (especially while United States of Tara airs. Man, my tribe of the Mentally Ill folks can be cruel.) but when my confidence is low, it’s hard to just move through it. “you know no one reads your blog anymore, right? god your writing is all over the place. You used to…

  • blessings,  family,  health,  lupus,  mental health,  that joe

    5/12/11

    Today was a low day. A very low day. In another life, today would have been the day I decided things were too hard to bear and so bleak I’d never see the blue skies again. I would have left my OBGYN results appointment (from the same woman who raked me internally) knowing she wants me to get my uterus biopsied because she thinks it’s precancerous and knowing she wants me to get on birth-control pills and remembering how she called me a liar just moments before when I showed her my daily food logs and exercise chart, because I’m fat, so I must not be telling her the truth.…

  • hard!!,  health,  lupus,  mental health,  sucky,  thyroid

    Remember That One Time? When I Had Lupus?

    Here’s the skinny – I have lupus. Here’s the story, and it goes a little something like this – Lupus affects skin, joints, blood, and kidneys – for me specifically = pulmonary hypertension and pleurisy/chest pain 3 winters in a row in 2001-03 and now off and on, swollen lymph nodes, memory problems, confusion, headaches, high fevers, behavioral changes such as depression and bipolar, personality change and psychosis***, fatigue, painful joints, anemia, rash on forehead and beginning on cheeks, sun sensitivity, hair loss, abdominal pain, nausea, and vomiting, abnormal heart rhythms, blood in the urine and long-term elevated white-blood count since a child. The Lupus begat Fibromyalgia, a full party…

  • mental health,  photos

    I Fell Down. Hard.

    I was fine. Then I was great. When things broke into a spectacular million pieces, no one was more surprised than I. Riding Bipolar’s emotional roller-coaster is tricky. Sometimes when you see yourself at the top, you’re really nearing the bottom and in for the mother of all spills. Only you don’t know it. And because it’s so much fun to be around a highly energetic, charismatic and bubbly person, people close to you might not have any clue. At least until you turn that corner from charming and energetic to scary and frenetic, immediately followed by obsessive, negative, frustrated and unkind. Ultimately, you hit the wall and enter loathing,…

  • hard!!,  mental health

    The Real World

    My life-coach, Piper, told me about a used bookstore downtown that would give you store credit for used books. I decided I would go there and see what I could get in exchange for some airplane novels I had hanging around. Venturing out into the world that day was hard. Since I was released from the hospital, I haven’t gone and done much of anything besides going to my support groups, appointments and meetings. That morning, everything sounded overwhelming and I didn’t even want to get up. I called Piper to tell her I was staying in that day and she basically said, “Get your ass out of that bed,…

  • blessings,  family,  friends,  mental health

    Humongous Thank You

    Friends, I can’t express how much your notes, emails, texts, messages, love, support and prayers have meant to me this past week. Joe printed everything out and brought them to me in the hospital. Every night it was like a surge of encouragement to work hard and keep going. My meds are still being fine-tuned. I’m a little up and down. I occasionally get a wave of hopelessness that dissipates in a few minutes, but the lithium is definitely making a difference. I’m not quite ready to jump back into regular life, but I am sticking a few toes in. I would be dead if it wasn’t for Joe. He…

  • mental health,  that joe

    Leahpeah Update I Suppose

    They’re fucking with my head, switching around my medications. Huge-ass increase of lithium today. This afternoon I was able to stop crying and all signs point to improvement. I hope this weekend finds me at home with Joe having coffee on the deck. Thanks so much for your love and support. It has meant the world to me and helped me through some very dark places. xoxo. dictated to Joe 8:15pm Eastern, 31st of August, 2010

  • mental health

    Message from Leah

    To Leah’s readers, friends, family, from Leah and via Joe (her husband): I won’t have a computer or my phone (so no twitter) at the inpatient facility I’m going into, but know that I’m getting help. Thank you to all of you for all your kind comments, twitters, direct messages and texts. I’ll have visiting hours with Leah in the late evenings and will be able to pass messages to and from her. Thank you all for your kind support. It really means a lot to Leah, and to me. UPDATE Saturday August, 2010: I went and visited her at the hospital yesterday evening. It’s about an hour away from…

  • hard!!,  mental health

    Slip Slidin’ Away

    I know in writing this out in the open, I will lose readers. And that is alright, readers that want to leave. I totally understand. I’ll also turn potential employers away. And that is alright, potential employers. I totally understand. No one wants to read about someone else’s misery. It sounds pathetic, self centered, whiny and stupid. But, write I will, because today I still can. The thing about slipping away, slipping under, the light getting smaller and smaller, is that you don’t realize it’s happening until it’s too late. You’re going along, not thinking about how things are getting incrementally harder because you’ve always had days that are harder.…

  • mental health,  that joe

    The Slump

    So, my friends, here I am, back with my ever lurking friend, The Slump. His good friends, Depression and Hopelessness are waiting in the wings, always knocking softly on the door, getting a bit louder as time passes and I sink a little further. It’s so cliche and I hate even writing about it. I mean, how many times am I going to talk about being depressed? And then eventually, being amped up and slightly out of control? I think we’re on about 5,372 times up to today. So, sighing, I tell you – I’m sad and getting sadder. I’m depressed and getting depressededer. I’m weepy and getting weepier. My…