Things Family and Friends Have Said To Me (Or About Me) That Suggest They Think I Might Be Crazy (Or Dumb)

“Mom, if we keep driving around like this forever and we get lost and can’t get home, I wouldn’t eat you even if I was starving. I don’t want to get Mad Mom disease.”

“I think you should stop looking at me. But if you must keep looking at me, do it from over there. On the other side of the door.”

“Oh, thanks for answering the phone! I was worried you’d never pick it up again after our conversation the other night about brain harvesting and emus. Have you slept yet?”

To my husband (a year and a half after we were married): “Are you sure you don’t want to look at other marriage options?”

“Can you tell me what colors you mix together to make orange? You can pick from red, yellow and blue.”

“You know when someone tells you ‘You’re so crazy!’ but they’re kidding? This is not one of those times! I need my shirt back. And the fire extinguisher.”

“I did tell you, but you were mumbling something about erasers so you might not have heard me.”

“That is so….pretty the way you organized the thumbtacks into 20 different containers by color shade and size.”

“But did you ever ask yourself why most people /don’t/ carry a raw potato in their purse with them everyday?”

“Do you always keep your phonebook in the fridge?”

“Rubber bands are not really evil. The devil is evil. Rubber bands are useful tools for people to keep papers bound together. Do you see the difference?”

“Is it ok if the green beans are touching your fruit salad or would like you like me to built a mini-fort with the mashed potatoes to protect them?”

“No, I don’t go up and talk to whoever is there even if I think they look interesting. Normal people don’t do that. They just go there to do their laundry.”

“Please stop singing. And if you don’t wash the paint off your hands before we leave I’m going to make you wear my ski gloves to dinner.”

“When I look at you, I feel a little bit better about myself. And I feel so much smarter.”