I’ve been known to go into Major Action Mode and plan, plan, plan and do, do, do and obsess, obsess, obsess my time away. Which is fine sometimes. My mind likes to be busy, as do my hands. Once I get something in my head and work on it for a few days/months, and get all set on How It’s Going To Be, I can have a really hard time recalculating and changing plans if the need arises.

We planned to travel the USA and meet lots of people and write a book and live out of our car with practically nothing to our name. We sold almost all our stuff. We gave notice on our home. We set up interviews and found sponsors and had a blast figuring out where we might go and the best way to get there. And then, our plans changed. And miracle or miracles, it was no big thing.

There have been a few times in my life when this has happened – I’ve ended up somewhere or with someone and I just know that is where I’m supposed to be. I get that feeling in my gut that says – ya, man. Right here. We got to Virginia and that is how I feel.

Of course, I’m a little disappointed that we won’t be driving across the country and meeting all of you, taking photos and creating a book, but it feels like that might still be coming. Sometime later. And even if it never does, I’m ok with that, too.

I find myself going inward a little. I’m not blogging as much or taking as many photos. I’m hardly on Twitter or Facebook. I’m not joining or participating in networking events. I feel quiet inside and I don’t really want to share my entire life with everyone. I don’t want to document every little thing that we do or where we go or what we looked like. These are all new feelings for me and it’s taken me a few weeks to reconcile that with the person I’ve been for the past 8 years. I’ve been a little confused by the whole thing.

I felt a little guilty that I feel this new way. After all, for the past 8 years I’ve talked about pretty much everything and shared so much with all of you. And I’ve loved it and sometimes, it’s the only thing that kept me going through major depressions and hard times. Sharing here and other places on the web has been such an important thing for my life.

No, I’m not making some grand announcement that I won’t be blogging ever again and I’m moving into a cave where I’ll become a recluse and live off squirrels and insects. (Good protein.) I’m just saying that my habits and feelings are changing and I don’t know what that means yet.

Thank you, friends, for coming here and caring what I say. Thank you for your emails and comments and love and support over the years. I feel like I know so many of you and I have no idea what I would have done without you during the hard times. Thank you, thank you, thank you. And if I suddenly find something I want to write about here in a consistent fashion, you’ll be the first to know.
xoxo

p.s. You can still email me if you want to. I’m not a hermit, for land’s sake.

p.p.s. Happy New Year! I wish you all the best for your new year.

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12 Comments

  1. Our lives all have seasons. It seems like you needed a change but didn’t know quite what it was, you had the courage to fling yourself out into the world and the path revealed itself. That’s awesome!

    You’re a writer, you’ll always write, always create, if not here, elsewhere, if only for yourself. The process of writing itself is beautiful and healing and valuable, it doesn’t have to be read by millions to make it real. Best of luck on the new adventure!

  2. That feeling of realizing you’re exactly where you want to be is something that should definitely be listened to. I’ll continue to look forward to reading what you have to say (however it is you choose to say it), hopefully to seeing you again sometime (and of course, rocking to some karaoke with you), and whatever else comes your way. Hugs from out west!

  3. Well, hell. Look at that.

    Just when I come BACK from my long break and find you and this blog, there you go taking off into the wild blue yonder (or something). Hmmm… There is a message in there somewhere, I’m sure.

    Well, I’m only fresh-back just as you are fresh-leaving and so we pass each other by. But… my break was really about 2 years. A year of not blogging at all and a year of hardly blogging. And it did seem right to step away when I did, but it was also nice to have it there when I was ready to come back.

    Best of luck to you. If it ever feels right, then come back to it. I’m sure you’ll find other fulfilling pursuits to keep you busy and happy.

  4. Deirdre said it best but that won’t stop me from adding a comment. Your first sentence hit me: “I’ve been known to (insert action here) my time away.” We have so little time — and it’s so easy to lose it to the online world…. to habit, activity, and plain old stuff.

    You got rid of the physical stuff, now you’re assessing the mental stuff and figuring out what you really need. That sounds healthy! You’ve spent eight years putting your energies out there for other people. No wonder you feel the drive to turn inward. It’s time to rebuild your self. 

    Selfishly, I like it when you share your life, because your words and pictures matter to me. I like to know what you’re doing and how you are. But since YOU matter to me, do what’s best for you. I’ll appreciate whatever you want to share — even more so than before. 

    xoxo

  5. amen to what Susan says… take care of you. You owe “us” (the blogosphere) nothing. As your friend I do hope you’ll keep in touch, drop by if you ever pass through again…. or maybe I’ll see you out there (I have family in Virginia, south of Richmond)

  6. What Sarah said. 🙂 I’m just north of her.

    I’m glad you’ve found a place that’s right for you for now. Not much more we can ask from the day-to-day, really.

  7. Leah, I love how even though you’re not living out your life online you’re still sharing a bit with us online. It just shows how kind you are. You know that many people are still following your life and wishing that you’d come and visit already!

    But we know that we’ll see you again in good time and that this quiet, still voice you’re listening to is exactly the way it should be right now. There’s something beautiful to be said for staying still and listening. You know what? People don’t do that enough. How blessed you are to have gone on a trip, found a place to squat down, and get the chance to stay. That’s just WONDERFUL.

    So, when I visit you and Sarah and Laurie we’ll have tons of fun, yes?

    xoxo

  8. So, I’m a blog stalker via all the other bloggers like Dooce, Finslippy, etc and some how saw that you moved to ROANOKE, VA?? I live in Christiansburg… please blog and explain how in the world someone would serendipitously end up in Roanoke?? haha.. 🙂

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